Morgan vs Reid
by MuffinPuppiesUnite
Summary: Morgan and Reid having "Prank wars" It takes place during season two, before Elle leaves. I do not own Criminal Minds.
1. Paintball

**Author's note: This is the first in a series "Morgan vs. Reid"**

**I don't own Criminal Minds**

**Morgan vs. Reid #1- Paintball**

This couldn't be happening. Not today. He could not get shot today. Energy surged through his veins, giving him strength for lifting the gun.

Morgan aimed his scope and shot Reid in the leg. Reid gasped as the green paint splattered, and he was knocked to the ground. Looking around, Morgan walked over to Reid, offering a hand.

"Thanks," Reid said. But as he reached for the hand, Morgan jerked his hand away, and Reid fell into the scraggly bush again. "Morgan!"

"Oh kid, when will you learn to never trust someone bigger than you?" Morgan mocked. He started to walk away, when Reid grabbed his ankle, pulling him to the ground. "Hey man, what the-"

"Garcia, the chicken fell off the nest! I repeat, the chicken fell off the nest!" Garcia emerged from behind a bush as Reid called.

Garcia shot Morgan in the shoulder, but Elle shot her in the elbow with a bright orange paintball. The two teams gathered where Reid and Morgan were. Elle helped Morgan up.

"That's four to one." Elle said to Reid and Garcia.

"Well, that's lovely and all," Reid said from the bush. "But will someone help me up? The bush caught my vest." Morgan reached down but Reid gave him a look.

"C'mon, kid. You don't honestly think I'd trick you twice, do you?" Morgan scoffed and Reid grabbed his hand. But, once again, Morgan let him fall. Garcia shot Morgan a look and helped Reid up.

"Accept defeat," Morgan said. "So I can go home and take a nap, kid."

"I will not be defeated!" Reid cried, but Morgan just walked by, messed up Reid's hair, and walked towards the main hall. Elle walked towards it too.

"Are you sure you can't just accept defeat?" Garcia said. "You two have been fighting like a cat and dog for almost a month now."

"I, will not be defeated!" Reid said with less triumph than before. "And my leg really hurts; can you help me inside?"


	2. Hacker

**Morgan vs. Reid #2-Hacker**

* * *

Reid walked into Garcia's office early on in the work day.

"Hello, my pretty," Garcia chirped. "Penelope Garcia, at your service."

"Hi, can you do me a favor?" Reid, knowing the answer was yes, sat down next to Garcia. "I need your help getting back at Morgan."

"Oh," Garcia bit her lip. "I don't know..."

Reid got on his knees and held her hands in his, forcing her to focus on him. "Please?"

"Alright, fine." Garcia turned to her keyboard.

"Morgan's not here yet. Can you hack his desk computer?" Reid looked from her computer screen to her face. She was laughing, already typing.

"You insult me, Dr. Reid." After less than a minute of typing, she had access. "What are you going to do?"

"Trust me, you'll find out." Reid smiled.

* * *

Half an hour later, Garcia was walking by Morgan at his desk, and he was trying to fix something.

"What's wrong, my love?" Garcia smiled over his shoulder. JJ walked past and answered.

"His computer is full of flowers and kittens." JJ laughed. "Just look at his desktop."

"Hey, this is not my fault." Morgan spat. "This computer...wait a second."

"What?" JJ asked.

"Listen to the 'Close Program' sound." Morgan said.

The computer said; "Payback" in a certain genius' voice.

JJ and Garcia looked at Morgan. He laughed on and on, staring at the computer.

"That kid has no idea what he's up against."


	3. Spiders

**Morgan vs Reid #3-Spiders**

* * *

Reid unlocked his apartment door, and jumped back quickly after opening it. Nothing happened.

"Even when you're alone," Reid muttered to himself. "You're never alone."

* * *

He walked through his apartment and to his kitchen, opening every cupboard and then jumping back, expecting an attack from Morgan. It had been a week since the whole "Kitten" desktop incident, and nothing had happened. He decided things would be fine. _For now..._

* * *

He picked up some bread and put it in the toaster, and got out the butter container to set. He got out a plate for his toast. The toast popped up, scaring a tense Reid half to death.

_Things are going too smoothly._ He put the toast on the plate, and picked up the butter container. And screamed. He dropped the container to see hundreds of dead spiders fall out and onto his floor. He ran out into the hall, but found it no better there. Morgan stood right across the hall.

* * *

"You play well, Morgan." Reid was still shaken, and he was breathing hard. "How'd you set it?"

"I have my ways." Morgan laughed.

Reid narrowed his eyes at Morgan. "Creeper."

"Ready to accept defeat yet, Reid?" Morgan said.

"What do you mean 'yet,' Morgan." Reid said. "Who says I'll be defeated?"

"Laws of physics. Common sense." Morgan continued as Reid rolled his eyes. "Everything in the world."

"Yeah, great case, you sciolistic dingbat." Reid muttered.

"Okay, I don't know what that means," Morgan took a step towards Reid. "But I will win, diphthong."

"Nice use of diphthong, Morgan." Reid said.

"Let me tell you something, Reid." Morgan pushed Reid by the shoulder against the wall. "I will win. Because I never, let me tell you, _never, _lose." He let go of Reid and walked down the stairs. Reid walked back inside and swept the spiders into a trash can. He sat down on the couch, and began to plot his revenge.

"Oh, Morgan." Reid laughed. "There's something you don't know about me."

_I don't lose so nicely, either. _


	4. Cookies

Morgan slid easily through the office, flashing a smile at everyone. Reid hadn't even dared to say the word 'spider' since Morgan's genius payback four weeks ago. In fact, he hadn't even looked Morgan in the eye. Then again, maybe that wasn't so good. He hadn't shown up to work yet this morning, and it was really strange.

"Hey, Morgan." JJ walked past Morgan to get some coffee. And as he watched her walk over, he noticed a single chocolate cookie sitting on the counter with a note. He picked up the note.

* * *

Here's what it said:

_Derek,_

_Spencer here, just wanted to make up. I have a bad case of flatulence, so Garcia picked up this cookie to bring you. _

_Thanks, _

_Spencer_

_PS: I accept defeat. _

* * *

Morgan looked suspiciously at the cookie.

"Where's Reid?" Morgan asked JJ.

"He didn't come in this morning. Garcia said when she went to pick that up he was moaning on the couch."

Morgan smiled, happy that he had won, and got a cup of coffee. He picked the plate up, and went to sit at his desk and fully enjoy the cookie. He picked it up, and took a huge mouthful.

* * *

Big mistake.

* * *

Tears reached Morgan's eyes before he could start to react. The burning pain was so intense he couldn't think straight, and he took a huge sip of his still hot coffee. It burned his tongue and he felt his breakfast start to come back up. He ran to a sink, running past Hotch and JJ, and began to retch up the spicy cookie. When he was done, he sank onto the ground, and looked around.

Everyone was staring at him, their wide eyes showing that no one was in on it.

"Um, Morgan?" Garcia whimpered out slightly. "What was..."

"Reid." Morgan growled under his breath, his throat burning still. A voice came over the PA.

"P.P.S." It was Reid, almost laughing. "I lied."

"I will kill you, Reid." Morgan shouted out as everyone went back to business, and he was pretty sure he meant it. His voice quieted when he spoke again, since really he was just assuring himself. "No doubts about that."

* * *

**Small thanks to user MissiB. Her review gave me the idea for Morgan's defiant line at the end there.**


	5. Some Things Change

**This chapter is a bit different. The p.o.v. changes from Morgan's to Reid's, rather than the prank victim's p.o.v., so when you see a horizontal line, it changes there. The chapter is a bit longer, too. Also, it gets a bit serious, but the humor will be back soon. **

"Maybe he-" Morgan began in a raspy voice.

"Shut up." Hotch said. "The doctor said you're not supposed to talk. Write it down in the notepad."

They were in the briefing room discussing a case. It turned out the pepper in the cookie Morgan ate yesterday, bhut jolokia, was an allergen for him. That's in addition to the regular side effects of throwing up, sweating, and intense stomach pain for hours. He wasn't supposed to speak for a week. He wrote his thoughts on the mass-murdering suspect down and handed it to JJ.

* * *

Reid suppressed a smile as his 'friend' wrote his thoughts down. JJ shook her head as she read the note.

"He can't work at the office. All the workers were there, even the CEO." JJ said, and she began to smile as she spoke again. "I said that already. Were you just ignoring me, or were you thinking about your relationship problems?"

The smile left Reid's face as everyone laughed. Hotch even smiled a little. All day they had been mocked, and Reid did agree that the argument had gotten out of hand. But he wasn't planning on letting his guard down, especially when he had the last strike.

* * *

"Now hold on a minute," Morgan argued in a dry, painful, voice. "Just 'cause that kid started an argument,"

"Morgan." Hotch said firmly. "Stop talking."

_Stop talking. _Morgan mocked in his mind. But even he knew not to ignore. He rubbed his throat in pain.

"We better go." Hotch said. "Wheels up in thirty."

In the hall, Morgan got a cold cup of water, which he did every second he could, and drank it. He sat down at his personal desk and packed his briefcase. He turned around to see Reid behind him.

* * *

"What do you want, nescient nitwit?" Morgan asked in a gravelly voice. Reid was shocked to hear him say something with that kind of vocabulary, but remained solid.

"Does it hurt?" Reid asked angrily.

"Does what hurt?" Morgan asked.

"Using your brain for the first time." Reid said. Morgan stood up, but said nothing. "You know, I would think you would want to save it for a special occasion, especially since you put so much effort into it. You probably feel like you're brain is going to rot from overuse."

"Listen here, kid." Morgan rasped. He grabbed his throat and winced in pain. Reid couldn't help but hit him when he was down.

"What?" Reid teased. "Does your throat hurt? Or can't you think of anything to say that will hurt me, Morgan? Are you too stupid to think of anything?"

Reid knew he went too far when he heard Elle whisper to Garcia; "That's not like him." And when Morgan's face turned into a mask of complete anger.

* * *

"That's it, Reid." Morgan pushed Reid to the floor and put his foot on Reid's chest. "Don't push it," He pushed his foot down harder, and repeated himself. "_Don't_ push it. For your sake."

He knew he was wrong, but he just took his boot off Reid's chest, picked up his briefcase and headed for the hall, only to be stopped by Gideon and Hotch.

"Go home, Agent Morgan." Hotch said. "You're not working on this case."

"What?" Morgan's voice scratched, and he knew he had no case. He shot an angry look at Reid.

"Now." Gideon ordered. Morgan crossly left with his anger pointed at Reid.

* * *

Reid, fully aware there was a bruise on his rib cage, carefully stood up. JJ walked up to him. She put a hand on his shoulder.

"What happened there, Spence?" JJ asked, a worried tone in her voice. "That was...different."

"I don't know, JJ." Reid said, upset. "But one thing's for sure."

"What's that?" JJ asked.

"This argument between me and Morgan changed." Reid said.

"Do you give up?" Garcia, who was behind them with Elle, asked.

"Garcia," Reid started, turning towards her. "Some things change." He turned his face to barely watch Morgan walk out.

"And some things don't."

**Alright, pretty good? Anxious to find out Morgan's revenge, I see. Well, you know. Soon, my lovelies. **


	6. Bleach

Reid cautiously took his shirt off, painfully aware of his bruised rib cage. He fully regretted his actions two days earlier, and tonight they had come back from the case. He grabbed his stomach, and pulled the shower curtain open slightly. He turned the water on, and finished peeling his clothes off.

Reid sighed in deeply as he stepped in the shower, the cool, light, spray feeling good on his sunburned back. He opened each bottle he used, poking around carefully before using the products. After what happened, though, Morgan could be planning something catastrophic.

Reid cringed as he nicked his face shaving. Normal things were scaring him, so Reid cut his shower short and climbed out of the shower. He pulled a piece of toilet paper off the roll, and looked up at the mirror.

His hair was bleach blonde and looked very fluffy. Reid, knowing Morgan would be somewhere nearby, be it on his couch or outside the apartment building, wrapped a towel around his naked body and tried to gain his dignity.

_Wait, this is it? _Reid wondered why Morgan didn't do anything worse. Because he could do much worse. But he straightened out and walked out to the living room in his towel.

Morgan was sitting on the couch, in regular clothes, chuckling. The open window was glowing light on his back.

"This is all you could come up with?" Reid scoffed. "Bleach in the hair? You're just a fraud, Derek."

"Oh, believe me," Morgan laughed and stood up to intimidate Reid. "I'm not a fraud. Look." He started ruffling Reid's hair. It started to come out in clumps.

"Real mature." Reid said. "But I prepared." He pulled the remaining hair off, and then a bald cap. His real hair was revealed, and Morgan's expression changed from amused to cross.

"You play well, Dr. Reid." Morgan said. "But you'll fall. And you'll fall, hard, Reid. Harder than you've ever fallen before."

"But the difference between you and me is that," Reid sighed and smiled. "Once I fall, I get back up. But you, son of a-"

"Like I said," Morgan cut him off fiercely. "_Don't_ push it, princess."

"Wow." Reid laughed.

"What?" Morgan scoffed.

"Keep talking, maybe someday something that a person with half the normal brain cell count would say might trip and land coming off your tongue." Reid smiled.

"Insult my smarts, Reid." Morgan said and walked towards the door. "It doesn't matter to me."

"Well, how can I insult something that doesn't exist?" Reid laughed.

"Bye, pretty boy." Morgan said, but this time the nickname he used so many times before stung Reid, because he was using it to hurt him. Morgan shut the door behind himself. Reid heard Morgan's footsteps down the stairs. He walked over to the couch and sat down in nothing but a towel.

And three gallons of salty, muddy water poured down on Reid's head. He shook his head, spitting and wiping his eyes. He sighed. Really he had gotten off easily, but he was disappointed that he couldn't go to bed yet. He still smiled, however.

"Ah, that's the Morgan I hate." Reid sat on the couch a while before cleaning up.

**Not as big as you may have thought, but something's coming. Trust me, it's coming. Review please! I love getting feedback!**


	7. Tires

Morgan cautiously walked around his house. Anything could be waiting. He had bought some time, but eventually he would have to strike back. But the plans weren't ready yet. Not yet.

Drip. Drip. The sink dripped in the nearly silent kitchen. Anytime now, Reid's revenge would come. Feeling guilty about hurting his teammate, and friend, Morgan almost called him. But his ego wouldn't allow. Morgan saw by the time that he needed to hurry up, and he finished eating quickly.

The day was sunny, the birds were chirping, and it was an all around beautiful morning to be ruined by Dr. Spencer Reid. Morgan got in the car and backed out of the driveway, for about a second.

Morgan's car sunk down, and there was a hiss. The car stopped moving, so Morgan got out to see the problem. Four sharp objects that he couldn't identify were underneath each tire, and each tire was flat. Morgan clenched his fists, and pulled out his cell phone.

"It's not gonna work." Reid said. He was on his bike, on the sidewalk by Morgan's house. "The phone company should be turning your phone on in about an hour."

"Reid, you son of a b****." Morgan fiercely said. "How the h*** do you expect me to get to work?"

"I can give you a ride." Reid said, smiling cheerfully.

"But you're on a-" Morgan saw just then a red wagon riding behind the bike, with Reid's messenger bag in it. "No. I still have some dignity."

"Not much." Morgan heard Reid say to himself. "Good luck getting to work." He stepped off the bike, detached the wagon, slung his messenger bag over his shoulder, and rode off. Morgan put his hand to his forehead, and sighed in frustration.

**A/N: Reid's revenge isn't as surprising as one may have thought, but I really hope you like it better than the last one. The last one wasn't that good, at least in my opinion. Review, follow, and favorite, my lovelies. **


	8. Gideon(The end)

"The unsub used a double-bladed knife to cut-" JJ was cut off when Morgan walked into the briefing room. Reid smiled only on the inside. "Looks like someone finally decided to show up."

"I had to ride the bus." Morgan said gruffly, and sat down.

"Seems a little ridiculous." JJ commented. "Why didn't you take your car?"

"Hey, if that a****le Reid didn't-" Morgan started, but Gideon gave him an angry look.

"Agent Morgan, Dr. Reid, I'd like to see you in my office." Gideon said, and Hotch nodded at him in agreement. "The rest of you, carry on."

In Gideon's office, Reid awkwardly fiddled with a button on his shirt until Gideon came in the room. Morgan straightened up in his chair next to Reid's.

"This argument of yours has been distracting you," Gideon began. "Is this a lie?"

"No, sir." Reid said, ashamed to be reprimanded by his intelligent mentor.

"But, Reid did begin the argument when he challenged me to a running match." Morgan remarked.

"If I recall," Gideon said. "You tripped and fell, allowing Reid to win. Which means that your petty jealousy drove the argument further.

Reid saw Morgan shift nervously. Reid knew what it was like to have Gideon upset with him, even if it wasn't exactly the same for Morgan.

"I take full responsibility." Reid said. "Although this isn't exactly a trial, I'm by all means guilty, Gideon."

"Alright." Gideon said. "But remember, Hotchner and I will both be upset if you disturb our team's work again."

Reid got up and left, and bumped into Hotch.

"Sorry, sir." Reid said, and tried to make his way to his desk.

"Reid." Hotch said, causing the younger man to turn around. "You and Morgan are going to be off work for a couple days. No pay. You two need to settle this dispute before it goes haywire. The argument is affecting your work."

Reid stood there, until he came to his senses and began to move again. He collected his things, and walked towards the hall. In the parking lot, he leaned against the bike rack, and squinted at his bike for awhile, searching it for traps. Morgan walked out of the building, and Reid was put on the defensive.

"What do you want, Morgan?" Reid began to remove the chain from his bike. He only occasionally rode it, and didn't want Morgan getting a hold of it.

"You had my back in there." Morgan said, no sarcasm in his voice. "Why?"

"You're my friend, idiot." Reid said. He mounted his bike. Morgan suddenly looked nervous, and guilty. "Hey, is something wrong?"

"Want to hang out at my place? Play with Clooney?" Morgan offered. Reid sensed a trap, and shook his head. "Okay, at least let me give you a ride home?"

"If you're tricking me..." Reid said.

"No." Morgan said flatly.

"Alright." Reid reluctantly agreed. "My bike?"

"We'll put it in my trunk." Morgan said, and Reid stepped off the bike. They walked over to Morgan's car, and about five minutes into the ride, Reid realized what was wrong.

"Why do you have your car?" Reid asked.

"Oh, uh," Morgan began. "I had a friend drive it here." Reid didn't exactly believe it, but said nothing more.

At Reid's apartment, he didn't let him come in, but Morgan nervously waited in the doorway.

"Fine, come in." Reid said, sitting on the couch. Morgan sat down. "Want something to eat?"

"No!" Morgan said suddenly. "I mean, no thanks."

"You're strange." Reid commented. He got up to get something for himself. He walked to the kitchen, and decided on toast before opening the fridge.

Upon opening the fridge, Reid heard a snap, saw a string slide up, and a cabinet was pushed open by many large, open, containers of water, which fell and spilled on the floor. Another _snap_ was made, and the process repeated itself twice. There was a couple centimeters of water all the way to the bathroom when it was over.

"Morgan!" Reid yelled. He called his neighbors downstairs, who said no water was dripping through, and he went to the bathroom for some towels. Morgan came in.

"Reid, I tried-"

"Morgan! This is too far." Reid said. He reached for the cabinet that held the towels.

"Wait!" Morgan yelled, but it was too late. Reid had opened the cabinet, and flour, enough to fill the cabinet to the top, poured into the water, making a creamy, sticky mixture all over the floor.

Reid sat on the edge of the tub, and started laughing.

"Reid?" Morgan said, and Reid heard an edge of uneasiness.

"Oh Morgan," Reid said, still laughing. "We're both complete idiots."

"What?"

"We fought for three months and sixteen days." Reid felt his eyes tear up from laughter. "You had to buy four new tires, had a burned tongue for a week, and I have a bruised rib cage and a floor covered in flour and water." He sighed, and could finally stop laughing. "Idiots."

Reid saw Morgan smile, and Morgan got towels from a different cabinet, where he hid them. They cleaned up the mess, and went to the couch.

"How on earth did you set this up?" Reid asked.

"I didn't actually ride the bus." Morgan said, and Reid was interested. "I waited until my phone was on, which was only half an hour, I might add, called a tow truck, got new tires, and set the trap up in here. I didn't think you'd stick your neck out for me."

"How did you get in?" Reid asked.

"I may have stolen your spare key when I bleached your fake hair." Morgan laughed.

"Idiots." The two sighed together, and Reid was glad he could sleep with both eyes closed again.

_Well, for now._

__**A/N: Do you like it? Thank you to the story followers(and the people who Favorited it) because if you didn't like it so much, I may have not continued! HUGE thanks to user MissiB because her reviews gave me a lot of my ideas for the story. Please leave reviews for the final chapter and the entire story(I appreciate the reviews so much). Thank you! **


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